Is it hot out here or what?

Despite what others have been saying, Mr Siili and I think we've had pretty decent weather this summer. Today is an example of it, even if we do find it a bit too hot. It's only 27°C / 80°F, but that's hot for us.

Mr Siili and I took a slow (because I can't do fast these days) and leisurely 40 minute walk this afternoon. The sun was shining, there was a warm breeze and yet we were still as hot as can be during the walk. Even at the slow pace I was keeping us at.

Once we got home, we both headed to the shower to cool off. That helped some, but I think it just took some time for our bodies to cool themselves down while sitting on our deck, in the shade. Drinking water and eating a homemade juice-pop didn't hurt either.

The rest added Monday:
The whole afternoon, evening and night was muggy with 90% humidity. We just aren't used to that! LOL.

We did get some respite from the heat when a thunder and lightening storm blew through right over us, in the late afternoon, but that was short lived.

When I went to bed, I left the balcony door open in hopes of a little bit of breeze, even if it meant I might have to fight off some mosquitoes.  At 2am I was woken up by more lightening and thunder. This is a first for me as I usually sleep right through it! The lightening was crazy! I can't remember the last time (if ever) I saw it flash that often and that many times in a row. Next thing we knew, the storm was directly overhead and Rusty had run up the stairs in a panic. Poor guy! I tried to snuggle and comfort him, but when the thunder would crack directly above us, it was just a bit too scary. Even I was a bit scared and I love thunder and lightening. (I was also a bit afraid to go pee, what if something were to happen? Not sure what might happen, but still!) Mr Siili came up stairs (he was sleeping downstairs because it was cooler) to check on Rusty. We closed all the windows and balcony door to try and dampen the noise. Or sort of worked. But it was a good thing we had closed them, as the wind and rain picked up soon after. The trees on the other side of the neighbors house were shaking and bending over something fierce. I even heard one of them crack. The rain came down all fast and hard, a corner of our yard flooded, for a while. We also saw more of the damage today when we went outside. Thankfully it was nothing major (that we saw). All in all, the storm lasted about an hour to an hour and half.

Today has been a bit less sunny, just as muggy and warm, but no lightening and thunder. I'm enjoying it. Although, I do hope the weather gets it all out of its system by Wednesday afternoon in time for the RHCP concert to start.

It's my birthday!

Today I turned 36 years young. We don't/didn't have much of anything planned. I woke up when I felt like it (sort of like the last couple of weeks since I've been done with work), headed downstairs where Mr Siili told me there was a gift for me on the coffee table. He got me a frog card and two books, in Finnish, although I suspect one is really for Paxlet as it is about a little dog named Tessu who is making a sandcastle. On the card and envelope, Mr Siili has written the silliest of conversations, as only Mr Siili can do. After I took the two kitties outside for a bit, I made us (humans, not the cats) waffles for a late breakfast with fresh strawberries and nectarines. Mr Siili and I then proceeded to watch several episodes of Community until I started nodding off. So, I started a load of laundry and took a nap. Now I'm thinking it is time to eat some dinner of leftover Chinese food made by a friend yesterday. (OMG, it's amazing stuff!)

Not sure what the rest of today will bring (maybe I'll actually start packing my hospital bag), but I'm enjoying hanging out with Mr Siili and kitties.

Edited to add: This post has no 'real' value, except for me to document my day, because I want to.

I must be crazy

It is just now sinking in that am going to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert next week and I'm going to be 37 weeks pregnant!!

It wasn't planned this way... I bought the ticket (with the help of a friend) back in mid-November of last year. This was before the start of our 3rd IVF and most definitely before we even knew I was pregnant.

Once we found out I was pregnant, I've said I'm still going to the concert as long as I am still in one piece and feeling up to it. So here I am, still in one piece and feeling pretty good and getting ready to go to the concert.

I've wanted to see the RHCP in concert for years! (Even more so than Madonna in recent years.) I'm so freaking excited about the concert!

Wednesday is also Mr Siili's and my 6th wedding anniversary. Love you, Sweets!

Hair me out

I love color! Over the years I've expressed my love of colors in some interesting ways. Sometimes it has been through my fingernail polish (orange, many shades of green, black, white, red, glitter, purple, etc), clothes, different colored pens for taking notes and even with different colors in my hair. Recently (this has been in drafts for some time...) there was an article shared in Prompt-ly by Mel about how pink is the IN color right now for dying your hair. After reading this article, I couldn't help but think of my hair-journey over the years. I've had many colors, but never pink-pink and I don't think I will. I'm just not that type of a girl.

One of the first times I remember dying my hair was when I was about 14 years old. My best friend and I at the time, had roughly shoulder length hair. We cut our hair on a diagonal (not losing the length on one side), but we did opposite diagonals. So depending on who was on the left and who was on the right, you either saw a down-arrow or an up-arrow. And then we died the bottom inch or two in black.

Then a couple of years later, my group of besties and I dyed our hair with Kool-Aid (and vinegar). It worked quite well, even if we did manage to get color everywhere and especially on our hands. The Kool-Aid smell was great, even if there was a hint of vinegar to go with it. We found that purples and reds (grape (my favorite to drink), black cherry, cherry) gave the best colors.

I'm on the right hand side in the below picture. I know you can't see my Kool-Aid dye-job, but trust me, it is there as a light purple-ish (not pink!).


I know that at some point during my teenage years I also used regular hair dye to get some low-lights (opposite of high lights). I always went darker, never lighter. I had a complex about being called a blond and thus never wanted blond hair. I think I was ditsy enough (although, most of it was an act) without needing it to be reinforced with hair color.

My first really crazy color was Manic-Panics' Forest Green. I was 18-19 years old, working in at my first real-real job the coffeehouse. It was a cool job and most of the 'kids' would come in there. I definitely spent way too much time there. But, back to hair color... I dyed my longish hair forest green, without bleaching it first. The color would have shown up much better if I had bleached my hair first, but it still showed well enough. My bosses weren't too impressed, so I had to wear a hat while at work.
I wish I had a picture of this time, but if any exist, I have no idea where they are.

I've also dyed my hair with henna. I loved the orange/red it would give me. I think one of the first times I used henna was when I was about 20-21 years of age. Right around the time I met Mr Siili (but I was still with my ex).

This first picture is one time immediately after dying my hair. (Notice my frog corner in the background? I loved that little wall-corner area.) The second picture was during a 'photo shoot' one afternoon while playing around with a cloak and fun dresses. I've always loved this mischievous smile on my face. I've also dyed my hair with henna years later while in Finland, but if there are any pictures, they aren't anything special.

The picture below is just after I had gotten my hair dyed with red and blond stripes in Estonia. I think this must have been around 2002 or 2003. I did buy those elf-slippers from the open air market. (I still have them, but need to fix the bottom of one.)
The 2nd and third pictures just show my hair in better color-detail.

Sometime during the first few years of living in Finland I played with Manic Panic hair dye again (and some other brand I can't remember the name of). By this point I had some Forest Green left, but I also had Tiger-lilly, Midnight Blue, Purple Haze and some other purple-ish color of which I can't remember the name. Usually I would do a stripe or two in my hair and not my whole head. I even managed to get Mr Siili to dye his hair a time or two, mainly for Vappu (May 1st, Finland's Labour Day) or a costume party.

One year, October 2006, I went all out for a costume party and dyed my long locks all purple. I LOVED IT! And talk about my work being shocked when I went in the next week.

A few weeks later, I decided it was time to chop all my hair off and donate the braid to Locks of Love. This was the first time in years (since junior high?) that I had my hair this short. My work was yet again shocked.

A few weeks later, I added a blue stripe in my hair. When I got tired of that, I removed the purple and blue (which turned green) and dyed my hair Tiger-lily, with a stripe of Forest green. This time my work was shocked, but they were waiting for it.

This picture must be sometime early 2007. The orange is gone, but there is still some color that is not my own. Also, my hair has grown out some.

End of August 2007 saw me with my mostly natural hair color, and a bit longer in length, at the next costume party.

Two years ago I dyed my hair a dark brown. I liked it! The below picture was taken when Mr Siili and I were in the US visiting my family (September 2010). The black cat is Sabby (aka Sabbath).

Yesterday, my hair was decently long for my weekly Paxlet pictures, but I've been thinking of chopping it off again for a few weeks. (My hair is up in a clip/ponytail thingy.)

And today, this is what I have now! Ignore my not-so-smiley face, it's hard taking photos of oneself. LOL

I've been thinking that while I am on maternity leave, I might bleach it and dye it some funky color. Blue? Green? Purple? And then as it gets closer to going back to work, I'd chop it all off (very short) to get rid of the color. But, who knows, I may keep the color when I go back to work, I don't think work will mind.


As you can see, there has been a long journey with me and my hair. And I know it's not over yet!

36 weeks

We're getting down to the final weeks of this pregnancy and I'm still amazed. I'm not ready yet and not sure if I ever will be. I know it will happen when it is going to happen, so in a sense, there isn't much to worry over. I have been thinking of packing a hospital bag the last few days, but that's about as far as I've gotten.

When people ask when I'm due (something Mr Siili is glad that people aren't asking him all the time, lol) I tell them "end of August". I hope that by telling most people that, they'll leave me alone and not ask if I've popped yet or if I'm still in one piece.

My birthday is this Saturday. I'm sort of excited, hey, it's my birthday! Yet, I'm not expecting anything much from it. I do hope at least that Mr Siili will acknowledge it in some small way. Dinner made by him would be nice. Maybe a foot rub?


Total Weight Loss/Gain: My scales this morning said 83 kilos, but at my neuvola appointment yesterday (with clothes on) I weighed in at 84.5 kilos. The nurse said that was quite a bump up from last week and then proceeded to ask if I have had swelling lately. Why, yes I have. So, she wasn't so worried about the weight gain and said it is most likely due to swelling. Yay. Uhm, not really.

Maternity Clothes: The maternity pants I made during weeks 20 and 21 just don't fit any more. The front part of the pants waist is too high and so it just feels uncomfortable.

I also tried wearing a regular pair of pants this week, with some elastic band to hold the button holes sort of together, just didn't work. The pants kept wanting to fall down and I was pulling them up the entire trip to and from the bus stops and store. I'm sticking with clothes I know work for the rest of this pregnancy.

Stretch marks: I think I might make it the entire pregnancy without any stretch marks. Huh, pretty cool. Now I just hope my belly button doesn't decide to stick out more. Eew! I'm not looking forward to Paxlet's umbilical cord either. 

Sleep: It is definitely getting more uncomfortable to sleep. I just can't roll over in bed as easily anymore and getting up to go pee takes its time. Also, my hips are sore and achy. That's what seems to wake me up in the night: painful hips. Oh, and cats sleeping against my legs and at my feet.

Movement: I thought as Paxlet grew bigger and there was supposedly less room that he was supposed to move less? He's moving like crazy! Kicks are definitely getting stronger. One day last week one of his kicks/punches was still hurting 30min later. When he moves into a position that makes it hard to move or breathe, I kindly ask him to change his position and gently nudge him. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Cravings/Aversions: Bleh, this is the most boring topic ever for me. I guess this goes to show that yet again when I've really wanted something to happen, it just doesn't.

Gender: It's a boy!! 

Symptoms: I've noticed that my ear wax is much more abundant during pregnancy that normal.
-My tummy has been quite heavy and achy the last half of this week. I really need to wear my support band if I'm up and about the house for very long and especially if I leave the house.
-My ankles have become quite swollen several times. Although, each time they have been grossly swollen, it was because I had a long day on my feet. This having to take it slower than normal is taking some getting used to and I'm afraid I'm not doing very well at it.
-If I eat too much (or sometimes, just eating at all), I've noticed that when I burp, food tries to come up. Ugh. So unpleasant, yet, this has only started happening, so I'm not too annoyed (yet), as I am thankful it hasn't been an entire pregnancy thing.
-My nipples have been very sensitive these last few weeks. Not my entire breast, just the nipple.
-I'm definitely much more clumsy these days. While baking, I have managed to drop sugar down the front of my shirt several times and if I keep dropping things on the floor the way I do, our kitchen floor will be spotless soon.

What I miss: I miss being able to walk normally. I waddle everywhere, which in and of itself is funny and sort of cute. But what I don't like is that I have to walk much slower these days. It takes longer to get to the bus stop and by the time I am on my way home from where ever I've gone, I am walking at a snails pace because I get a horrible stitch on my lower right side. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this, but it is just different from before.

What I look forward to: My birthday is this Saturday. I'll be 36 years young.
The Red Hot Chili Pepper concert is in one week!!! OMG!!! I can't believe they are going to be here. I have a friend who has said she is willing to be seen with and put up with a very pregnant lady at the concert. I hope I'll still be in one piece to go as I've looked forward to this for so so very long.

Moods: I've been quite chipper lately. Only little cries over sad things (Jenny at Sprout had to put her dog, Seamus, to sleep) and silly hormonal things.

Milestones: Paxlet is the size of a honeydew or an exotic crenshaw melon! and he weighs about 2,5 kilos (5,5 pounds). This is the start of the 9th month and the neuvola nurse said Paxlet can be born at any time now and there shouldn't be any issues. It's a good thing he has moved into the head-down position. At least, if he decides to come NOW, they won't stop him from coming.

Medical concerns: My iron is still low even though I've been taking a supplement. I have been taking it at the same time as my multivitamin, so the neuvola nurse suggested I try taking them at different times and for the iron, on an empty stomach. 

Sex: Poor Mr Siili. My sex drive is just non-existent. I have tried to initiate sex with him, but he is worried that I'm doing it only for him, which I am, in a sense, but it isn't like I don't enjoy it once we get going. In any case, the poor guy asked if I thought we'd give it a go before the baby arrives. ;)

Misc: The other day, I sewed some clip things to keep the kid's gloves and booties on. Or at least, if they fall off, they won't get lost. These clip things can also be used for keeping the binky nearby. I've seen them in stores for 8€ a pair and I was sure I could make them for cheaper. I made 2 pairs of clips and for only 5€. Plus, MIL had another set and a half of the clips at home that she gave to me. I just need to find some ribbon I like for them. I also sewed a duvet for the baby with some of the Moomin fabric MIL gave me. I LOVE it!

Among the tons of baby stuff MIL had saved and collected, she had a brand new breast pump! It's very simple in design, but it is one less thing I need to worry about getting. I'm not sure I'll use it, but it's great to have, just in case.

This week's bump pictures can be seen in the Paxlet Pictures tab.
Again, last week's bump photo just never happened. I forgot to ask Mr Siili to take it when we got home around 2am Thursday (Friday) and then I forgot again on Friday evening and then on Saturday night we got home after midnight...So I just gave up on it. I've reminded Mr Siili yesterday that we need to do the picture today. Let's hope I remember this evening when he gets home.

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IF feelings don't go away just because you are pregnant

This weekend Mr Siili and I attended my SIL and BIL's combined birthdays. It has surprisingly been quite an interesting experience for me. There has been kids of every age there; from almost 17 years old to those still baking (me and another lady). While looking at these families, I have found my thoughts ranging from jealousy, to comradery, to pride and everything in between.

The jealousy comes from feeling (and knowing) that all (most) of these families have been able to become a family easily. I also can't help but feel, still, why not me? Why have I had to take so long to get even get pregnant, when so many others have been able to have several kids? I know there is no answer, but the thoughts and feelings just don't go away.

On the other hand, being as visibly pregnant as I am now, there is no way anyone can mistake me for anything but being pregnant. And this makes me feel a bit connected to those women who already have kids. I will soon know what they have gone through and I will get to join their club that I have been denied for so long.

(Mr Siili came to talk to me right after I wrote the last bit and I tried explaining to him how I am loving being pregnant and that I don't want to hurry it along, but I can't wait until Paxlet is here and how I'll belong to THAT club. Then I started crying. Stupid pregnancy hormones.)

I also can't help but feel very proud of my body. Finally, some how, some way, my body overcame its brokenness. I know this doesn't mean my body isn't still broken in the future if we decide to try for another kid, but for now, it's working! This feeling of blending in with the fertiles, or at least looking as if I do, feels kind of neat and gives a sense of pride. Even if I know in my mind the truth of it all.

Really, there are just so many thoughts in my head that it's sort of hard to get them all straight and coherent in my head and in black and white words. What it all boils down to is that even though I have succeeded in getting pregnant (and soon give birth to our little boy) I'm still infertile and these not so pleasant and conflicted thoughts most likely won't ever go away.

35 weeks

I'm visiting my in-laws during this week's update, so there won't be a picture update until I can get home and Mr Siili takes the picture, hopefully on Thursday. Mr Siili stayed home because he is working and to take care of the cats. Quite often I've visited my in-laws without my husband. My MIL and I get along quite well and do all sort of things together.

For example, this time I baked her a belated birthday cake yesterday and we made a mushroom soup/risotto from a recipe I have. We went through all the baby clothes and items she had stored up from her own kids and I picked out what I wanted (or if it was too big, it will stay here until Paxlet is closer to that size). The rest of the evening we just hung out, chatted and I showed her and my FIL the maternity photos that were taken Saturday.

Today, we went downtown and bought some buttons for the sweater and booties that my mom had mostly made, but not finished. We then continued our walk downtown to look at the booths that were set up along the walking street. I petted a dog that works for the customs (and then my hand stunk like dog) and we got a consolation prize from a knowledge competition, even though we got the first question incorrect and thus discontinued from the competition. We bought strawberries, saw the mayor of this town getting her photo taken with the Angry Birds owner because a new park/play ground for kids opened up today in this town. We made it back to the car just in time to avoid a parking ticket. Once we were home, we made a late lunch/early dinner of chanterelle mushrooms that my MIL picked. We sat outside for a bit in the lovely sun. In the early evening MIL and I went chanterelle mushroom picking. We found about 5 liters of mushrooms and cleaned them all when we got home with a bit of help from my FIL. They're giving me all of the mushrooms to take home with me tomorrow! FIL picked me some rhubarb to also take home.

Now, we're just relaxing for the evening, eating some bread and I'm writing here. I'll catch the bus back home tomorrow morning at 8am.

I could have driven my car here and home, but I came by bus, as it was cheaper than coming by car. When I posted on FB about coming here by bus, a friend on there asked how much gas is here in Finland as it is now under $4/gallon in her town, in the US. My MIL and I calculated it and it is roughly $8/gallon! I paid only 13,80€ for my round trip bus tickets. It would have cost me about €35 round trip by car.

And now for this week's update.
Total Weight Loss/Gain: I forgot to weigh myself this morning before eating and drinking, but at my neuvola appointment yesterday, the scales said 83 kilos. Although I think it is a bit less than that.

Maternity Clothes: When we went mushroom picking, I put on some jogging pants in order to not be eaten alive by mosquitoes. I almost couldn't get them over my hips (and under my tummy). MIL and I found it quite funny at my jumping around trying to pull them up. And then putting on socks and shoes..that was interesting also.

Stretch marks: No stretch marks still, but MIL says they can still happen in the next few weeks. We'll see. My belly button is really sticking out now. I don't like it. LOL

Sleep: I still sleep quite well, although sometimes I wake up at 4am or 6am for a hour or two before falling asleep for another couple of hours. Last night I slept around 6 hours before needing to get up and go pee!!

Movement: Even though Paxlet is head down (for now and hopefully permanently), he is still kicking me tons! In fact, he wouldn't hold still again for the neuvola nurse to listen to his heartbeat. She did hear it quickly, and it is beating strongly, but she wasn't able to listen long enough to get a good idea of how fast it was beating. He's already taking after me and his dad.

Cravings/Aversions: Still nothing special. Loving my fruits.

Gender: It's a boy!!

Symptoms: Swelling! My feet and fingers are more noticeably swollen, at least to me. The bottoms of my feet are a bit sore when I wake up to go pee in the middle of the night and also the morning. And I also notice that my finger joints are a bit sore when I first wake up.

I have also finally taken off all of my rings. Even the two very thin ones that never come off. I'm a bit sad about those last two, as one of them is a gift I bought for myself for my 18th birthday (almost half my life ago) and the other one was my mom's, which I haven't taken off since my sister and I found it in a drawer at her house over a year ago.

I'm waddling a lot. My bump gets in the way of many things. I'm insanely warm, almost all the time, which is very unusual for me. Basically, I'm having all sorts of normal pregnancy symptoms, which I'm enjoying the experience of immensely.

What I miss: I can't think of anything I miss this week. I'm just enjoying every moment of this pregnancy.

What I look forward to: Tomorrow, we'll head to the country side to visit a friend and her family who have been living in the US for the last year. We might even get to go to sauna and then swim in the lake!
On Saturday, we'll head over to Mr Siili's brother and wife's combined birthday party. I think it'll be nice to see many people at once.
My birthday is only 10 days away. 36 years young, here I come!
And the RHCP concert is only a few days after my b-day. OMG! I'm excited for that.

Moods: The other day, Mr Siili was standing in front of me and I noticed a mark on the back of his arm and gently reached out and touched his arm to look at it. My hands were cold and Mr Siili thought I was being mean and in return elbowed my arm. It wasn't so hard of an elbowing, but it did hurt a tiny bit and shocked me, as I had no mean or mischievous intention in my thoughts. I immediately burst into tears. After he realized it did hurt me, he apologized, but I couldn't stop crying and sniffling for a while. I'm sure I reacted worse than normal because of hormones.

Milestones: Paxlet is the size of a honeydew! He weighs roughly 2300 grams (just over 5 pounds) now. We've only got 5 weeks until the due date, which is only 35 days. Ack! It just isn't registering in my mind that he could be coming at any time.

Medical concerns: Mr Siili has expressed his concern over me going to the RHCP concert w hen I am so far along pregnant and also the noise level for Paxlet. I have told him that as long as I feel able, I'm going and I asked the neuvola nurse how the noise might effect Paxlet. She said there is enough amniotic fluid to protect his ears. Once he's born, that's a different story. So, I'm still excited to go to the concert. Especially since it is in my town. I don't even have to drive several hours to get to to the concert. Bonus!

My neuvola appointments have now been bumped up to weekly appointments, until Paxlet is born. I'll also see the doctor one more time (in 2 weeks) at the neuvola place before he is born.

Misc: I talked with my step mom on Skype, Sunday night, for over an hour. It was great to be able to talk with her for so long and for it to be a good conversation. My step mom shared some of her insight, experience and thoughts about pregnancy, labor and delivery, life after a child and so on. We also giggled and laughed a lot about my youngest brother's love with Po.wer Ran.gers, years ago, and the dance bit he'd do whenever a specific Cry.stal Wat.ers song came on. (We have no idea why he chose or decided that that song was a Po.wer Ran.ger song, but in his mind it was.)
My poor dad felt left out, as I normally call and talk to him. We did chat for a bit at the end of the call. He told me about the crab they caught the day before with one of his sisters. (Oh, how I miss fresh crab!) We discussed a bit about his plans to come visit once the baby is born. And other random stuff as it usual during our calls. I can't wait to have my dad visit again!! The last (and only) time was 12 years ago!

This week's bump pictures can be seen in the Paxlet Pictures tab, once it has been taken and updated (mostly updated on Friday).

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A pregnancy misconception

Before I ever got pregnant, I was sure I'd have to spend half of it on bed rest or at least in pain because of my back. Surprisingly, that has not been the case at all.

My back problems started when I was about 14 years old. My mom was driving me and one of my siblings home (for the life of me, I can't remember if it was my brother or sister) and she had stopped for the blinking stop sign. The lady behind us didn't. And I, for some reason, had a feeling that I needed to turn around to see what was going on behind us. Which means I was twisted in my seat when the car rear-ended us. It threw me forward in a spine twisting motion. My mom took me to a chiropractor to be checked out. In the beginning I was going 3 times a week, then 2 and then once a week. Eventually it was once a month and nowadays it is only a couple of times a year, as needed. But I have learned that I need to keep active and my body in motion, and not do stupid things, or my back and neck get painful.

Because of this car wreck and the subsequent pain off and on over the years that I thought I would have problems during pregnancy. I am very thankful that this is not the case. In fact, I've been mostly back and neck pain free this entire time.

Since about 12 weeks into this pregnancy, I haven't been able to turn/twist my lower back very well for release, which makes the small amount of pain I do get last a bit longer. Also, the discomfort isn't enough to warrant a trip to the chiro. In fact, the pain has only been bad enough for me to go to the chiro once.

I do wonder if the weight of my tummy has balanced out my back and that is part of the reason that I haven't had much back issues. No idea if that would actually work that way or not, but it amuses me to think of it.

Last Saturday, during our pictures, I did move in some (normal) way as to pinch or tweak a nerve in my lower back. This area has been hurt/sore before, so it isn't surprising this time around, if a bit annoying. Some Panadol (paracetomol), a bit of rest and gentle stretching had helped. I hope things don't get worse before the end is here. If it does, I'll still be grateful to be in this position (of actually being pregnant) and for the fact that the duration of discomfort would be short.

For now, I'll continue on as I have been, which at this moment, means I'm off to go pick some mushrooms (chanterelle) with my MIL.

Maternity pictures

We got the photos back from Saturday's shoot. Let me tell you, I love, love these photos!! I haven't had photos of myself that I truly love in quite a long time. They are spectacular.

As I said before, my boss from work (from where else would she be my boss?) knows about my history of with infertility and has offered to do this photo shoot as a gift for us (and portrait practice for her). I am so touched by her generosity and willing to do this for us. Did I mention that I made her a raspberry-blueberry Mamma's  Berry Pie as thanks? (I also made one for us. Delicious!)

I have shared 4 of these pictures on my FB page. That makes a total of 7 pregnancy pictures of myself (plus a diaper cake & cat in car seat picture) that I have posted there. I have been wary of sharing too many maternity pictures on FB, just because I know how hard it was to be TTC and seeing pregnancy pictures and updates on FB all the time.

My boss, Sar.ah Mawds.ley, has given me permission to share the link to her website, plus the photos she has taken of us. I hope you'll enjoy them.

Maternity picture shoot and a dream

We got very lucky! Yesterday the weather decided to cooperate so we (Mr Siili, my big boss from work and I) could do the maternity photo shoot! It has been raining, thundering and lightening off and on for the last week or so. And it's been hard, heavy rains! We do have a pretty green lawn now though.

Anyway, we were playing it by ear up until minutes before we left the house to go for the photo shoot. Mr Siili and I pile into the car and go pick up my big boss, who would be taking the photos and is an amazing photographer. She normally does flowers, birds, buildings and landscapes, not people. But I had total confidence in her!

We arrive at the arboretum and get ready to find some spots for photos. The sun peaked out every once in awhile, the clouds were fluffy white and diffusing the light beautifully and we had our own natural wind "machine".

After an hour and a half and almost 300 pictures later, we were done. Just in time too as the clouds on the horizon, heading our way, weren't looking too friendly.

 

Last night, or rather early this morning, I had a strange pregnancy related dream. The first pregnancy related dream I've had since being pregnant, that I can remember. And I am at the end of my 8th month. I've always been one for very vivid and strange dreams, just not about pregnancy.
Anyway, on to the dream:

I was at some department store and wanted to try on some clothes I had picked out. I went to the dressing room area, but it was a dressing room / day care / health care clinic in one large room, partitioned off with metal frames on wheels with cloth covers. As I walked into the area, I could just see over the partitions some IV drip racks and other medical stuffs. I was informed that because I was visibly pregnant, that I had to be checked out by a practitioner before I could try on the clothes. My dream ended with me waiting to be checked out.

34 weeks

I'm posting this from my phone this evening, so it's not going to be pretty and I'll fix it up next time I'm on a real computer.

Total Weight Loss/Gain: No idea this week as I forgot about weighing myself until I started writing this and normally I weigh myself in the mornings and a night weighing would throw it off.

Maternity Clothes: I borrowed a very colorful dress from a friend yesterday with the hopes to use it during the maternity photo shoot.

Stretch marks: I really don't like this outtie belly button thing that's going on.

Sleep: I'm definitely more tired lately, even with taking iron pills, but I don't always sleep well at night. And I only take naps sometimes.

The other night I crawled into bed around 10pm, read a bit and then went to sleep only to be woken up a couple of hours later by an elusive mosquito buzzing in my ear. I couldn't seem to kill it, so I turned the light on and put my glasses in. I still couldn't find it! Mr Siili then came to bed to find more unhappily sprawled on the bed, irritated, not happy and hot. Finally Mansi (girl kitty) caught and ate the mosquito, but by then I was wide awake. Did I mention I was very hot too?

Movement: I still think Paxlet is positioned sideways as kicks are coming to the same place. I'm not concerned yet about him not being head down, as the neuvola nurse said it is still ok until around week 35, which is when my next appointment is, plus Paxlet still has plenty of room to move.

Boy oh boy, are some of Paxlet's kicks getting strong and a bit painful. As I'm typing this, he's having fun doing saumersaults and kicking me where it hurts.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing.

Gender: It's a boy!!
I shared the horrid picture of my backside with my stepmom (and family) and she says it's definitely a boy. I'll have to ask her what she judges it by.

Symptoms: Bloating: I found my ankles a bit bloated in the evenings during my last couple of days at work. Enough so that my feet actually hurt. Something new for me and something that I can manage by not being in my feet for long periods of time.

What I miss: Not having to pee all the time. Seriously!

What I look forward to: Tomorrow Mr Siili and I will take a tour of the hospital.
Friday I'll go visit a friend I haven't seen in a while.
If the weather cooperates this weekend, we'll have the maternity photo shoot.
Next Tuesday morning is the next neuvola appointment and in the afternoon I'll take a bus to visit my in-laws (bus is cheaper than driving and doesn't take too much longer).

Moods: Nothing out of the ordinary.

Milestones: Paxlet is the size and weight of a cantalope (2100 grams)!! If he were to be born now, he'd most likely be fine or only need a very short stay in NICU, being that all else is fine.

Medical concerns: I haven't taken any allergy meds for most of the last week. In doing quite well, but I think maybe I'll start taking one every other day or so.

Misc: I've learned the hard way today that even if we take the car to the store, I should still wear the support belt as it gets quite uncomfortable and even a bit painful walking around for too long.

I learned that Mr Siili was born 6 days early, weighed 3 720 grams (8 pounds 18 ounces) and was 50 cm long. My dad doesn't remember if I was early or late, but he knows I came around my due date. And I can't remember the exact measurements of my birth, but they are a lot like Mr Siili's.

I made homemade pizza this evening. Yummy, but I think the standing to make it and walking at the store today caused my tummy and back to be quite painful this evening.

Had tea and dessert with my good friend, R, yesterday and then we went to a second hand store for kids stuff. I bought some reusable bra protectors (no idea of their proper name in English), a baby duvet, two pieces of clothing and a classic tupperware toy (where the pieces fit in their specific holes). I'm quite proud of my purchases, especially since there wasn't a single frog among them. Green, yes, but no frogs.

Picture update will have to happen tomorrow.

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It's the beginning of the end and the end

I've been sending the weekly Paxlet pictures to my family. I know my step-grandma and step-mom love seeing them by the emails I receive in return. Today, in my step-mom's reply she mentioned how they are getting a package ready to send to me. In this package will be a light green snow suite, which they (step-mom & sister) found in some of my mom's stuff. There is an H marked on the care tag, which leads them to believe this was mine as a kid. As soon as I read this, I started bawling. Which was made hard to do because I had just taken a bite is of bread and it's hard to cry why you can't breathe with a tummy (and lungs) full of baby. I miss my mom so f-ing much.

— — — —

Today was my last day at work, at least until I am done with my maternity leave, which is officially over only at the end of May next year. Yes, you read right, I will be on maternity leave for about 10 months (plus or minus a bit depending on some things to be decided by Mr Siili and I).

In Finland, a woman has to start her maternity leave at least 30 working days before her calculated due date. But she can start the leave up to 50 working days before the due date. And if she works in a job/field that is harmful to the pregnancy, such as dealing with chemicals, she might start leave even earlier.

Leave from work is broken down into several parts. The first being 3 months of maternity leave for the mom. A woman has to take these 3 months. During this period of time, the mom is paid her full wages.

Then comes the parental leave period. This is 6-7 months of leave that can be taken in full be the mom  or the dad or it can be split between the two. During this part of the leave, the pay (from the social system) is only a percentage of the normal salary.

Also sometime during these two periods of leave, while the mom is taking them, the dad is allowed up to 3 weeks of paid leave (that can be taken in one lump of time or split into 3 periods).

The father is also allowed a "father's month" of leave, which is usually taken at the end of the mom's parental leave period. The mom 'gives up' at least 12 working days (Saturdays included) of her time off for the dad to stay home with the kid.

During any of the above mentioned leaves, the parent is guaranteed their job back in the company they work for at the start of the leave, if they have a permanent contract. In addition, holiday days are accrued during these leaves too.

The final type of leave is called "child care leave". This type of leave can be taken in up to three parts until the kid is three years of age (or if more than one kid is involved, until the youngest is three). The pay during this leave is very minimal, but the mom/dad is as guaranteed a job (not necessarily the same position) back at the company they work for (if they have a permanent contact).

And that's why I won't be going back to work until next year sometime.

33 weeks

Happy belated fourth of July. While we have a 4th here in Finland (who doesn't have a July 4th around the world?), it isn't a day different from any other. As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent the early evening hours (after work) at a friend's MIL's garden. The weather was amazing, the company and surroundings great and food (lätty/crepes) yummy!

Seven more weeks until the calculated due date! No matter which way we go (early or late arrival), we're down to a single digit number of weeks for waiting. Oh My Goodness!


Total Weight Loss/Gain: 81 kilos this week, that's up 1 kilo from 2 weeks ago. I've gained a total of 15 kilos so far (that's 33 pounds, OMG!). Thankfully, most of the weight seems to have stayed in baby related areas of the body, except for this morning as I was fixing my hair, I realized my face is definitely a bit rounder these days. Not worried about it, just an interesting change.

Maternity Clothes: For the most part, my non-maternity clothes just don't fit. But having said that, yesterday's outfit was totally non-maternity clothing. I had a cute empire waist top that I bought 4 years ago with the thought in mind that it would hopefully be long enough for when I got pregnant in the next couple of months (hah!) and the skirt is something I've had for longer than that with a stretchy waistband. Very cute outfit!! That's me in the picture below!

Stretch marks: I've still got a smooth tummy. Well, smooth except for the fact that my belly button is sticking out. Thankfully it is only sticking out a tiny bit and mostly the top part of it. I hope it stays that way.

Sleep: Sleep is normal for the most part. Even when I have to get up and go pee, I'm still able to fall right back asleep. Our bedroom has been quite warm lately (weather's been warm too) and so I'm a bit hot at times, but kicking the blanket off helps with that.

Movement: I had a neuvola appointment on Tuesday. I asked the nurse if she could explain to me how I can tell which part is Paxlet's head & which the butt, as I'd like to know which way Paxlet is laying. When I hopped up on the exam table, she started to palpate my stomach and told me almost immediately where Paxlet head is: "His head is here, oh wait, it's now here and now it's here!". Paxlet had woken up and was moving around. And then when she got the heart monitor out, he still wouldn't hold still for a bit. Finally we got to hear his strong and steady heartbeat.

From all the moving around Paxlet was doing, the nurse said that Paxlet still has plenty of room to move around, but that it will probably change soon as he grows a bit more. He also wasn't head down yet, but that's ok still too.

Paxlet is already showing a tendencty to be right-sided. He likes to hang out on he right side of my tummy. Just last night as I was laying on the couch, the left side of my tummy was smaller and squishier, whereas the right side was higher up and harder from Paxlet squishing himself over there. It was obvious enough that Mr Siili could see it (or at least he said he could).

Cravings/Aversions: Bleh, I've all but given up on craving something different or strange such as pickles and ice cream. At the same time, mind you!

Gender: It's a boy!!
My stepmom commented on FB the other day that if I sent her a picture of my profile from the back, she could determine once and for all if I am having a boy or a girl. Along with my weekly pictures, I asked Mr Siili to take a butt-shot. He was confused as to why I was asking, but went along with it anyway. He had a bit of fun with it, like I knew he would.

Symptoms: Only normal pregnancy symptoms and nothing major or horrible. My tummy is definitely getting bigger, in the way and a bit uncomfortable at times, but nothing I can't handle and a bit of rest will take care of. I have noticed the last couple of days that I've been getting some pain in the lower right side of my tummy when I walk too much or too fast. I guess it's time to take it a bit slower.

I definitely notice myself waddling when I walk. I can especially see it in my shadow! As Mr Siili says, "if it acts like a duck, talks like a duck and waddles like a duck, it must be JustHeather". I gave him a sarcastic thanks and dirty looks for that comment. And then proceeded to laugh.

I have noticed some minor swelling in my ankles some days in the evenings. I've already, stopped wearing my wedding ring a week ago or so. It would still fit when my fingers are cold, but when they are warm, I don't think I'd be able to get the ring off. Better safe than sorry.

I am lucky that I don't generally have hemorrhoids and that during this pregnancy I've only gotten a few tiny ones that are not a bother.


What I miss: This week I have something I truly do miss: sex. I miss wanting to have sex, for my own sake and Mr Siili's sake. I still try to make an effort, every once in a while, to have sex with Mr Siili, but it is such a chore and it takes me forever to get into it. Really, I'm doing it more for him than myself, because I really couldn't care less about sex right now. And that makes me feel bad.


What I look forward to: Only today and tomorrow left of work before holidays and maternity leave starts! The reality of it keeps on hitting me in waves. Mr Siili also starts a week of holiday tomorrow after work! He has said he is going to spend the week off having "Mr Siili time". I've asked him to at least reserve one day for me.

Not this weekend, but the following weekend is when my big boss at work will take maternity pictures of me (and Mr Siili). I sure hope the weather cooperates. I also need/want to figure out what to wear. Suggestions anyone?

The Red Hot Chili Pepper concert is less than a month away. I'm so looking forward to that.

Moods: This week has been pretty good in terms of my mood. Not much grumping with Mr Siili, although it would be nice if he wasn't on the computer so much in the evenings. Especially since the 2nd computer and my laptop have died. And with my pictures on it!! Hopefully he can recover some of the info and I'll finally get the rest of the pictures burned onto CD.

Milestones: Paxlet is the size of a honeyew melon! And he weighs as much as a medium sized pineapple, which is about 1800 grams.

Medical concerns: My iron was a bit low again at my neuvola appointment. I had ran out of the stuff and only went and bought more right before the appointment. So, hopefully it will be back in the normal-good range when I go back in two weeks.

Misc: Here's a few pictures from yesterday.

Me and my friend, R, with our bellies.

This week's bump pictures can be seen in the Paxlet Pictures tab.
The picture is already there at the time of my publishing this post!

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No weekly update today.

I didn't write up my weekly pregnancy update while at work today and now our old computer is dead (with lots of photos on it) and so is my laptop. Only Mr Siili's computer is working and he's using it right now. So, update tomorrow from work.
Speaking of work, I only have two days left of work!!! Then starts a few holiday days and then maternity leave. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited for the baby to be here. Honestly, I haven't thought that far yet. I'm just so totally thrilled that it is finally my turn to go on leave. I've seen so many co-workers go on leave and come back, that the feeling I have is: finally! After I'm on leave for a bit I'll start getting (more) excited about Paxlets arrival.
Speaking of Paxlets arrival, I hung out with my good friend R, who is five weeks behind me on her second pregnancy. There was also another friend there, who I found out today is 20 weeks along with her second as well. (Their hubbys and kids, plus one MIL was also there.) We took some cute pictures of the three of us pregnant ladies and we all ate way too many crepes (lätty) with fresh strawberries and ice cream.
On some infertility, screwed-up-ness levels, I'm still a tad jealous of seeing them with their little girls and having a second bump too. (Or anyone else fitting that category.) Although, I do have to say, that finally being pregnant myself does take the sting out of it, which I know otherwise would be unbearable to handle if I was still in the trenches. Infertility will never go away.
On another note, seeing the guys with their little ones gives me hope with Mr Siili. He just doesn't seem so interested in this pregnancy. I know every guy and situation is different, but I would really love more  connection and seeming interest from him. I really would love to be able to talk more animatedly and excitedly about things and Paxlet's arrival than what I feel I can/can't now. I am thankful that these thoughts and issues are my biggest concerns, because they aren't so bad, but they do weigh in on my mind.
And with that, it is time for this mind to crawl into bed so I can get up early to write my weekly update before punching in for the day.

My grandmother would be so proud of me

My friends threw me a not-so-surprise baby shower on Sunday June 17th. And let me tell you, it was a great afternoon!! The reason it wasn't a total surprise was that I knew it was going to happen, on the 17th and at 3pm. I had also provided a list of names/emails of the people I would like to invite, but it didn't mean they would all come. Other than that, I had no idea what was going to happen.

Well, 3pm rolled around and no one had showed up yet. Finally a bit after 3 the first person showed up and after there several more arrived. They brought food, laughter, chatter, gifts and themselves! It was so hard to just sit down and let everyone handle the last minute preparations and what not. But it worked out quite well.

I had school friends, co-workers and my MIL with me on this day.

But the reason I think of my grandmother in all of this is that I sent out thank you cards. I didn't just email everyone my thank yous, or only tell them thank you in person the next time I saw, although I have done that too, but I sent real snail mail cards to every single person who joined in on this special day. Growing up, my dad's mom would always send each of us kids a pack of thank you cards along with the gift she sent us. We were always sure to write her a thank you card, if no one else. But this time around, I felt it very important to let my friends know how much I appreciated their efforts towards me, Mr Siili and Paxlet.

So, I made thank you cards and envelopes. They cards and envelopes aren't anything elaborate, but I totally love them and enjoyed myself making them. Everything I used was something I already had on hand. 

The cards (first picture below) are made with postcard sized (store bought) card stock to which I sewed a same size piece of foam onto the card. I just sewed a rectangle all the way around about one and a half centimeters from the edge. I then used a dot (or two) of double sided tape to secure the handmade paper design on the front (made with cookie cutters I own). On the back of the cards I wrote my thank you.

The envelopes were made with handmade paper (top row) or paper that was decorated by myself. I quickly Googled for DIY envelopes to get an idea of something simple and quick, and the bottom picture is what I came up with.