25 June 2010

I have Finnish citizenship!!

The envelope that arrived while I was gone was a letter from Maahanmuuttovirasto / Finnish Immigration Service. Inside was a letter saying that I have been granted Finnish Citizenship as of June 16th, 2010.

On holiday this week,

and so much has happened!

Saturday, hubby, a co-worker of mine and I went to Ähtäri for the day. Weather was great and we saw lots of animals.

Sunday was spent at home.

Monday, the cats and I drove to Pori. Hubbies parents live there. We all just enjoyed the warm summer day and kitties were able to go outside.

Tuesday, I woke up way to early for a holiday morning and went swimming in an outdoor pool. Then mother-in-law and I drove to Vanha/Old Rauma, a UNESCO site. We wandered around there for an hour or so. We ate some of the bestest vanilla munkki we've ever eaten. They were so good, we had 2! lol. After that we drove to Sammallahdenmäki, another UNESCO site. Sammallahdenmäki was very interesting to walk around and check the cairns out. I'd love to go back when there are guides to get a better understanding and hear about some of the findings.

Wednesday was just a quiet day around the house. Kitties were allowed outside even more. And in the early evening we came home. Upon coming home, I found an envelope that had arrived for me while I was gone. (That will be updated in the next post.)

Today has been a mostly quiet day. Hubby and I grumped at each other a bit. Tried to go to lunch out, but the place was basically done serving lunch already. So, we went food shopping for juhannus weekend and bought tons of food stuffs.

Tomorrow we'll go to hubbie's co-worker's house in the evening to grill.

The rest of the weekend will most likely be quiet and restful. I will need to do some laundry before going back to work. Hopefully it will be sunny.

17 June 2010

Another one

A co-worker told me today that she is pregnant. As always, I'm happy for her, but aching a bit for me. I feel bad that there was caution and worry in her face as she told me, as she knows how long I've been trying to get pregnant. But I am pleased (not the correct word, but I can't think of a better one) that she felt able to tell me and before the rest of our co-workers.

The funny thing is that I was JUST thinking about her last night and wondering if she and her hubby were trying to get pregnant. She had a miscarriage a year ago. The pregnancy was unplanned and I remember hearing her say how she so wasn't ready to be a mom yet but that her husband is. It got me thinking that since it had happened and she had time to think about things a bit differently, would she be willing or wanting to try now. I got my answer today. Kinda funny.

I'm in turmoil again, but not as bad as a couple of weeks ago.

13 June 2010


That's something I wish I had at times. Sometimes the thoughts and feelings in my head just don't always come out in a way that I want. Bleh.

11 June 2010

My ex

A few days ago, my ex gave me a link to an online journal of his detailing his finding out about the death of a close friend. At this same jounal, are several months worth of entries. So, I've been reading them. So far I've read one month. I can see so much of the man that I knew when we were dating in those entries. But I also see more than what I saw then. I see more hurt, bleakness and despair than I realized he had in him. It isn't so much a shock, but I wish I could have done more or maybe do more now.

We may not be together as a couple anymore, but I still care for him. How could I not? I spent 4 years of my life with him. There had to be something good in him that I saw for me to devote that long to him. At least I feel that way.

I want to reach out to him, let him know I am still here if he needs or wants to talk. I would also like to let him know that I think I knew him better than he wanted me to. He told me many times during our relationship and even after that I never knew him, the real him and that he hadn't let me in. I beg to differ. I do think I knew him quite well, maybe not as well as the person I am reading about in his journal entries, but I did know him.
But the question here is, do I reach out? Do I possibly disturb sleeping cats (or dogs as it may be)?

I think I'm going to have to think on this.

p.s. I wish the pictures weren't broken links.

09 June 2010

Lowest low in 2 years

So, this cycle of my period marks 23 months that hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant. And last week's Tuesday marks the lowest of lows I have had during this time. My period had started a couple of days before (although not unexpected), so I was feeling quite bummed from that. Then I found out that a friend of mine is pregnant again. I just lost it. I started crying, shaking, hyperventilating... Then I would calm down for a sec and start up again. This is how I was all evening. I couldn't eat, do dishes, read, think, nothing! Why not me? When is it my turn!?

This is the same friend that was expressing/complaining that she was worried/concerned that she might not be able to get pregnant a 2nd time. I didn't understand what her worries were at that point because she got pregnant on her wedding night and her little one was only 9-10months old! And here she was saying this to me, who had been trying unsuccessfully for 20months, at the time, and another friend of ours who has been trying for several years with a couple of miscarriages. I don't have words to explain the frustration, confusion, dumbfoundedness and incomprehension that is going on in my head. What was she thinking when she was telling us this? She just doesn't get it, does she?

Last week, I just didn't feel that I could be happy for anyone else. I was tired of putting on a happy face and saying "congratulations" and asking interested questions. I just couldn't do it anymore. I had no happiness in me. All that was in me was a huge, dark, deep, black hole that physically hurt. Hurt so painfully bad.

This week, I am still saddened, but feeling much better. I have a brighter outlook and a bit of hope in my heart. This month is our 4th month of fertility treatments, but today was our second attempt with intra-uterine insemination (IUI). Hubby's sample was really great and healthy and I have 2 mature follicles. Let's hope his tadpoles meet with at least one of my eggs.