30 March 2010

Mr Froggy in Helsinki

It's Monday night (I should be in bed) and I've actually had the computer to myself this evening! This is the first time in ages that I've had the computer entirely to myself, because Mr Froggy* is in Helsinki. The last time this phenomena happened was probably for the same reason as tonight.

Even if I have the joy of computing in peace, I still miss Mr. Froggy.
Hugs and kisses to my guy. I hope your day was decent and you sleep well.

*Mr Froggy is the name one of the PostCrossing people gave my husband and it works quite well considering I love frogs and am a Mrs.

23 March 2010

Frustration and guilt

A couple of weeks ago I met up with some of my girl friends, whom I don't see to often these days. I knew at least one of them would ask me about how our "trying to get pregnant" journey is going and I haven't been in the mood to discuss it with them. I know they would be asking out of concern (and curiousity), but it just feels too much like pitty and something else I can't even put to words.

All of the girls there have a kid, and most of them have a very young one. For the most part, they all got pregnant on their first try. Hubby and I have been trying 20+ months and not even a single hint of a positive pregnancy test. No matter how much my friends care and have concern for me, they will never fully understand how I feel. Sometimes my longing to be pregnant and have a baby hurts so bad that I swear it is a physical pain.

Anyway, at one point, one of the girls and I were alone and she asked how things are going and I said "I'd rather not talk about it, thank you." She tried again and said, "but wouldn't it help to talk about it to someone?" Again I replied, "I'd rather not talk about it, thank you." She got a strange look on her face and at that point someone else came into the room and asked me a question, so I was able to change the subject, so to speak.

The girl who asked the question disappeared a few minutes later (to the bathroom). The rest of us girls continued chatting and after a few more minutes had passed, the girl comes out of the bathroom crying. She said she wasn't feeling well and her period was bothering her. She had called her husband and he was on his way to pick her (and the baby) up.

This is where my guilt comes in. I know she said she wasn't feeling well, but up until the point she asked me about my trying to get pregnant, she was happy, bouncy, bubbly and all around seemed to be fine. I can't help but feel that it is my fault she got upset and went home. Yet at the same time, it is my *right* to not discuss my personal issues if I don't want to!

This event was over 2 weeks ago and I still can't stop thinking about it. And I still feel just as bad as I did then. Plus, she hasn't returned my email or text message. I know I could try calling her, but what if she really did go home because she didn't feel well and if I try bringing up the fact that I didn't/don't want to talk about my personal issues it would only be rubbing it in that I don't want to talk about it. Hence, my frustration.

11 March 2010

Sometimes it's the small things

I've had Lydia (my car) for almost 4 years now and it was only just this morning that I figured out the back window has a water-spray-thingy for the wiper! I had an idea that it existed earlier this winter, but no need to use it at that time.

After seeing it in use this morning and seeing out my back window, I drove the rest of the way to work quite happy.

06 March 2010

Me + 2 cats = in Pori

My husband has been working almost round the clock the last couple of weeks to get his thesis written. The poor guy does his regular work during the day and then deals with me and the cats in the evening, waiting for us to go to bed, then he works all night long on his thesis. Quite often he is just only crawling into bed when I am waking up to go to work. He sleeps a few hours and then is back at it all over again.
He was even doing this while sick with the cold that I gave him. (I didn't try to!)

I know he is struggling, stressing and not getting enough sleep. But it is quite frustrating for me (and the cats too). :( We can't really exist in our home either because we are trying to tip toe around him so that we don't bug him. And I honestly am trying to stay out of his way and not bother him, but I also know that just by being in the apartment and existing is enough to bother him so he can't get anything done until I am asleep.
 So, this weekend, I've taken the cats and gone to Pori.

Tons of hugs to my Love. I hope he gets some things done this weekend.