17 August 2010

Switching kieliä

Huomasin tänään kun olin ajamassa Porille minun ajatuksia vaihtuivat englannista suomiksi se lähempännä saapuin Porille. Se varmasti johtuu että puhun appivanhempini suomeksi. Ja minun mieleni valmistu siihen.

Pidän puhumisesta suomea vaika se ei aina helpoa sanoa mitä haluan sanoa. Mutta jaksan.

A few thoughts in Finnish.

16 August 2010

3rd week of holiday

Yup, that's right. Today starts my 3rd week of summer holiday this year. The weather is nice (and yes, I am still inside) and again I don't have much planned, yet.

Yesterday  marked 1 month of Kantti's passing. Hubby and I are still a bit sad, but coping.

To get this holiday started, I went to see Inception with a co-worker. Before the movie, we had a quick dinner at Jack the Rooster. Yummy food! While waiting to order our food, we noticed that this coming Saturday (Aug 21) there will be a live Red Hot Chili Peppers Tribute by Ville Tuomi (Suburban Tribe). We are going!

Sunday I went to Särkänniemi with another co-worker. We used our free entrance ticket (from work) and then paid the difference (24€) for the bracelet. I went on 14 rides!! Only the swings made me feel a bit nauseous. (It's that going round and round only that does it.) The weather was perfect and the company too! It only took me 11 years to go to the amusement park (outside of the Dolpinarium) and now I've been there twice this summer. Hehe

As for future plans this week, I need to get my rear in gear today and take my bike to the shop to see if they can help me get mud flaps on it and also see about getting a different seat. The one that came with it gives me camel toes like nothing else. Painful!

Also planned for today is a Skype date with my mom. :)

I'm thinking about going to Pori to visit my mother-in-law for a day or two. We'd most likely end up going to Yyteri (beach) for a swim and some sun. Not sure if Rusty will join me on the trip or not. Hubby will be working (sort of).

Thursday early evening I've got plan with 9 other co-workers to go bowling. We're scheduled for 1 hour for sure, but some of us might stick around for 2 hours.

Saturday is the RHCP thing and also a possible PostCrossing meeting during the day. Not sure what is going on with that yet, but we'll see.

Aunt Flow (period) showed her face early this morning. So, I'll be calling the fertility clinic today to get this next cycle rolling. This will be our last round of IUI and if it doesn't work, IVF will be our next step.

That's my week in a nutshell.

08 August 2010

Not happy with life lately

It just seems that when it rains, it pours. I've been feeling quite down and bleh-like the last few weeks and it doesn't seem to be getting better. Just worse. I know I have a pretty decent life, but sometimes it is hard to see the positive. That's how it is for me right now.

More than anything in the world, I want to be pregnant. How things stand, I don't think it will happen until October, the earliest. I just don't have faith in my body alone anymore (who would after 2+ years?). And so far the 2 IUI's haven't worked, I guess the 3rd time could be a charm.

Work is work. I still like what I do, but there are so many changes going on, that it isn't easy to stay upbeat and positive all the time. I believe there are about 200 jobs in our building at the moment and something like 100 of them are leaving, although a few (20-30?) will be coming to us. So not a total loss. In "my" team of 4, 1 has left already and another will leave in 2 months. Tomorrow we will get a new guy, so that will keep us at 3 for some time. Stressful times.

I feel as if I do all the cleaning around our apartment. And sometimes it just totally gets on my nerves and I freak out. I'm sick of doing all the dishes, most all the laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, picking up, etc. Not to mention most of the food shopping and cooking.

I'm still sad about losing Kantti.

Issues with my stepmom are coming to a (re)boil. My dad has been pushing for me, my mom and stepmom to get things sorted out from 4 years ago when Mika and I got married. I hope my mom and I have been getting things sorted out, but she is scared/shy/whatever to speak her mind at times, so my stepmom "has" to do it for her. And my stepmom is quite loud and opinionated (gee, I wonder where I get some of it from?) and slights/grudges can be held for a long time, which makes it hard to talk and apologize. As things look right now, I might need another 4-8 years to get on decent terms again with my stepmom, if that is possible.

I've been feeling pudgy lately. And I know that is all of my own fault. I haven't been going to TKD lately, nor doing much else. But at the same time, I just haven't felt like doing much of anything. I did go 2 weeks ago, it was great. And then last Monday I couldn't go because it was month end and I worked too late. I plan on going tomorrow.

I don't seem to have much contact with my friends anymore these days. And I think times like these would be when I'd need them the most. I know they all have lives of their own, with kids and husbands, work, etc. Maybe I just need to make my life more full and then I wouldn't have time to be so bleh.

It'll get better.