20 June 2011

24 hours later

It's only 24 hours* later and my whole world feels like it has come crashing down. I went to work today, because I couldn't stand the thought of sitting at home doing nothing. So, I worked and I only cried twice and teared up a couple of times.
Some of my mom's knitting.

My thoughts are jumping around in my head, racing from one thing to the next. I can't seem to focus on anyone thing. All I want is my mom! I'm supposed to start thinking of things for her obituary. What does one write in an obit? I'm too young to be doing this. My mom was too young to die.

I am so thankful for my family in the US. Especially my step-mom. We've had our differences and trying times in the past, but I do love her and I am so very thankful she is here for me, my sister and brother right now. (And my dad and little bro.) I've talked to everyone in my immediate family. We're discussing what needs to be done, because it just has to be done.

I've sent in my signature on a self-written letter saying I authorize my mom's cremation. It's what she wanted and it's what I would want for myself. So this was not a hard thing to do. It's not the cold body that I need, it's my mom, alive and well. I'll have to do with my sister, brother, dad, step-mom and little youngest bro (lol, he's taller than any of us).

We're going to have a celebration of her life. She doesn't want a funeral. Again, that is totally fine with me. I want to remember her in the good times and with everyone crying happy tears.

Hubby and I will be flying out Thursday morning. It's going to be one hell of a flight (3 of them actually).

24 hours ago...

*Ok, so it is more than 24 hours now when I found out my mom had died. But I started thinking about this post right around the 24 hour marker.