24 November 2011

Happy Turkey-day (or stim day 5)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you are able to find many things you are thankful for this year and during this holiday season. I do have many things to be thankful for, but this time of the year has always been a bit bittersweet ever since I moved so far away from my family. The holidays just aren't the same as what they used to be. We don't have Halloween or Thanksgiving here in Finland, but we do have Christmas, even if it isn't celebrated the same as in the USA.

Thanksgiving has been touched with a drop of sorrow since my grandma died in 1990. She was my favorite grandma and only 66 (3 days short of her 67th birthday). My mom's mom died Thanksgiving eve in her sleep. I was 14 years old and all of us grandkids had just spent the summer with her that year. I am thankful for that summer, but I still wish I had more time with her. (Isn't that always the case about the deceased?) My last conversation with my grandma was about how she was thinking of getting her ears pierced! I remember thinking how cool she was for wanting to get them pierced even though she was old. This was also the grandma that "hired" an 18 year old boy/man to take us kids to the pool and hang out with us that summer. My mom never could believe that her mom would hire such a boy (Mormon, sweet and innocent that he was!) to watch after us kids, especially since I WAS 14 and noticing boys. LOL

This year is going to be tinged with more bitter than sweet as it is the first year without my mom. I'm still missing her, a lot!

Right now is feeling much worse because of Thanksgiving, hormones from IVF and stress with finances for our new place we are trying to buy. I haven't been sleeping well or enough the last few nights. I'm fighting off a cold, which I hope doesn't get any worse, because I just can't miss work (but if it comes down to it, I will miss it and that's that). I do have my first appointment with a therapist tomorrow morning. I'm quite nervous about it and I'm also quite sure I'll leave there with puffy eyes. I also have another clinic appointment to see how things are progressing with the hormones. I'm worried that maybe I shouldn't be trying to get pregnant right now with the stress of buying our place, I'm not sure we have enough money and having a kid won't make it any easier. Bleh, I hate feeling so horrible.

To end this post in a slightly more positive note, I'd like to say I'm thankful for each and every person who reads and comments on my blog. I appreciate every single word!! (I know I'm being totally horrible this month about reading and commenting for ICLW. I'm sorry.) I'm also thankful for my husband who puts up with all of my shit (and there is a lot of it). And most of all, I'm just trying to be thankful for everything. It's not always easy, but I've got to keep trying.