15 January 2012

What to say? What not to say?

I've seen this blog post on many blogs and now I finally and fully understand it. It's the dilemma many newly pregnant bloggers have of how much and what (if anything) should I blog about my pregnancy? I've read the posts and the comments and I know the answers. But that still doesn't make it any easier in my mind.

I spent three and a half years trying to get pregnant. I spent even a few years before that wanting to start trying and waiting for just the right time. I was waiting for Mr Siili to be more ready (although I'm not sure if that ever really happened) and also for me to be stable in my job (that did happen and I told Mr Siili when that was in place, we were going to start TTC). During this time, I saw all my friends, many co-workers, and even a couple of cousins get pregnant and have their kids. Some of them even twice! I started blogging more seriously and found an amazing online community of (mostly) women who understood what I was going through. Some of them have been able to press forward and get out of these trenches and make it home from the struggle, some thought they had gotten out but were pulled back in unexpectedly. Then there are some, who are still struggling, waiting and hoping. I know what that is like! I've been there and I won't ever forget. And that is what makes this so difficult.

In my heart, I know I write this blog for myself. I want to and need to write what happens during my journey, all of it. But in my head, I know there are other people reading this. (I'm totally tickled I have followers!) Women who are still struggling with trying to get pregnant and I know that by writing about my pregnancy, I might be hurting them. I don't want to do that, but at the same time, as I said, I need to write what is in my heart and head.

This also leads me to commenting on other women's blogs. I want to comment and give support and encourage like I always have, but I worry about how they'll feel if a pregnant woman comments on their post commiserating and saying they understand what they are going through. (I rarely comment that I am pregnant, unless it is specifically called for.) Especially when I'm no longer in their situation. I know that doesn't stop me from remembering and having been there myself, but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm not there anymore. I'm in a different situation now.

I also wonder, if you and someone else are mutually following each others blogs, but the other person stops following your blog (right around the time you announce you are pregnant), should you stop following their blog too? Or at the least, should I not comment on her blog, as my situation apparently hurts her. :(

I have no idea how much this all makes sense. I've tried to put it out here in a logical order, but it just feels as if I am rambling on (like I usually do, Hah!) in no apparent order.