31 December 2011

Changing of the guards

I've been thinking the last few days of what I wanted to write as my last post for 2011 and I'm not really any closer right now than I as before. But, that isn't going to stop me. Hah! (Mr Siili wouldn't be one bit surprised, as my not having anything "useful" to say hasn't stopped me from talking/writing before. *big grin*) I think I'll just jot down some random thoughts that are running through my head in hopes of clearing it out.
Another thing I've been thinking about is the old year vs the new year and what it all means. I'm not really sure I believe in this 'getting rid of the old one to greet the new'. Sure some pretty crappy things happened in 2011, but some great things happened too! If none of these things had happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am now. I'm reminded of the rhyme we used to sing at Girl Scouts or other places were we would meet new people for the first time.
Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.
New Years will keep coming, but the past years matter too. Not much will change between today and tomorrow, except the year. (And Mr Siili's unemployment ending. Yay!). I still head back to work on Monday, my mom still won't be with us in the flesh and I'll still be stuffing progesterone suppositories 3 times a day where the sun don't shine (until further notice). I guess what I'm trying to say is that life continues on.
Speaking of suppositories, I think I've become quite proficient at putting suppositories where they belong. I think the reason I was getting so sore and my lady bits area irritated was from dryness. I started running my insertion finger under water quickly to get it wet just before inserting the suppository.  No more dryness and definitely less irritation and less desire to take a 1/3 of a day break from using them.
The fireworks have started! It is legal to set off fireworks from 6pm December 31st to 2am January 1st. Of course not everyone follows the rules and we've been hearing the random one now and then since Tuesday (when stores opened up for the first time after xmas). I used to love fireworks, until I had one explode at the back of my knees several years ago, now I dread them. I even cringe a bit at the very loud ones while inside.
My ears are bothering me. Quite often when the weather pressure changes, my ears act like a barometer and bother me (so the ear doctor told me when I was tested years ago). It sounds as if I have a paper bag over my head or maybe some wax paper over my ears so that as I breath or talk, the "paper" vibrates (kind of like a kazoo) and I can't hear as well. It's most often my left ear, but at this moment, my right ear is doing it too. It doesn't hurt physically, but it sure is annoying.
Mr Siili and I went food shopping this afternoon. Sheesh, there are a lot of people at the stores buying last minute party supplies and alcohol. After we were done shopping, I dropped Mr Siili off at home so I could go tank up the car (taxes will go up on gas next year). When I got home, he had started getting me some bread ready to eat and tea water boiled. How sweet!! Especially since I was STARVED!
Even after I ate my bread topped with cream cheese, pickle slices and cheese and drank my hot chocolate (tea came later), I was still freezing from being outside! So, I took a nice long hot shower. Aaaaaaah.

Which reminds me, I think pickles are something I'm craving at the moment, if it's possible to get pregnancy cravings already. Or maybe I'm just craving them as a normal person. For the last few weeks, I keep thinking of dill pickles and wanting to eat them. I mean, I normally like (specific) pickles and their juice, but I've been really wanting to eat them lately. Yes, I know many people are totally grossed out by pickle juice, Mr Siili included, but I just found out that my dad and I have only been ahead of our time.
Today is the day I'm going to start taking weekly pictures of my eventually growing belly. I've thought of this for years and now I finally get to do it! I still haven't figured out which top and shorts/pants I'll wear, but I'd like to try and wear the same thing throughout. Yes, I've thought about it that much.
I'm thinking I'll tell my side of the family either tonight or tomorrow that we're pregnant. I should have done it at xmas when everyone was there, but...I just didn't. Now I've got to see if I can get my brother and sister over to my dad's.
I tried to get my girlfriends together for a January get-together, so I could share our good news, but it doesn't seem like it'll work. I just don't wanna tell them via email, a text or over the phone. And I sure as hell don't want them finding out via Facebook. Although, a FB announcement is no where near yet. But I have been thinking that when I do a FB announcement, I'll mention that it's taken us 3,5 years and several IF treatments. Not that anyone really needs to know, but at the same time, I'm not hiding it and maybe it might help someone. Who knows. So, I don't know when I'll tell my close friends. And that kind of makes me sad. If they ask directly, I will tell them, as I did with one of them already. She asked the day I tested. (One other friend I told, because I need at least one close friend to talk with!)
I was cutting up an apple today to eat and a seed fell out. It reminded me of the ticker at the bottom of my blog and that it said our little one is the size of an apple seed. (Looking just now, it has grown to a sweet pea!) I can't wait to really start feeling pregnant. I also hope that Mr Siili and I can actually celebrate it at some point, soonish. I know he has been asking some questions (like how am I doing?), commenting and poking fun/joking like he does (when I showed him the apple seed, he said "and it takes up this much space" showing his hands at about the size of a grapefruit, to which I replied, "no, that's just fat").
Thanks for reading my ramblings. (Did anyone actually read this all?!)

Wishing you all a wonderful and happy 2012!