20 March 2011

I just don't believe

Tomorrow is 2 weeks since harvesting for round 2 of IVF. I know I haven't updated much this time around, but there really hasn't been too much different from the first time. I wasn't as weepy or crying, but I was still hormonal and emotional. My ovaries produced 11, all mature, follicles. And they produced lots of liquid with them, so my ovary area was very quite sensitive and sore for some time. Harvesting was a bit more painful this time, thankfully I was given some extra local anesthesia. On transfer day, I was told that one excellent embryo was being transferred to me, 1 excellent and 2 good embryos frozen.

I've been a good girl and done the progesterone suppositories 3 times a day like instructed, except for 2 days when I only used 2. My mind is constantly thinking about the possibility of my being pregnant and when I can test. Last time I started spotting on the Monday and AF was fully here by Tuesday. No testing necessary. This time, I'm thinking I'll at least wait until Tuesday morning and possibly even Wednesday morning before testing. That is if AF stays away. I have to honestly say though, that I don't really have high hopes of being pregnant. I'm not just being negative and down trodden, but really, I just don't feel that I'm pregnant. And for the negative Nancy part: I just don't feel like I will get pregnant either. I know so many others have had it harder than me, have tried so much longer than me, but I really don't care about them right now. This is me and my life (and hubby's life). I'm so sick of this waiting and torture each month! Yet, I don't know if I dare to stop trying...