Paxlet's grandpa and aunt coming to visit

I can't remember if I've mentioned it or not (and I'm too lazy to go look), but my dad and sister are coming to visit at the beginning of December! That's right, Paxlet is going to meet his grandpa and aunt on my side of the family for the first time! I'm so freaking thrilled that they are coming! They'll only be here for a week, so we're going to have to pack a lot of stuff into that short time.

This will be only the second time anyone from my family has come to Finland in the 13 years I've lived here. The last time was 12 years ago when my grandma (dad's mom), dad and sister visited. My mom said she would visit if I ever got a child, but she didn't live to see this happen. So, having my dad, and sister, visit is the closest I'm going to get to that. This makes their visit all the more important and exciting.

I knew that when I moved half a world away to be with Mr Siili that it would be harder to see my family. I also knew my family doesn't travel much and that it would be and has been up to me (and Mr Siili) to go visit them. I've known this all along. But, now that Paxlet is here this reality is hitting me harder than I thought it would be. I'm coming to realize just how little Paxlet is going to see my side of the family, other than via the video Skype chats we have. And as my stepmom pointed out not too long ago, we'll mostly only be faces on a TV screen/computer monitor to each other.

There are some thoughts jumbled in my head and I'm not sure I'll be able to get them out in a way that conveys what I am feeling and thinking, but I'm going to try anyway.

In the past, my stepmom, mom and I had some issues. I feel that my stepmom and I have worked through some of them, at least enough to be civil and on decent terms again. With my mom, I feel we worked through things more, but nothing is ever perfect. My mom had told me that the one thing that would get her to travel and visit me in Finland was if I had a baby. Then my mom had a heart attack and died 6 months before I got pregnant. I never got to have my mom come see my life here and see that I am truly happy here. Before Paxlet was born, my stepmom and dad were excited to get their first grandchild. We were even Skyping most weekends and it was great. My dad even said he'd come visit once Paxlet arrived. Then, a few weeks after Paxlet was born, my stepmom wasn't so enthusiastic anymore and said that she just couldn't handle only seeing Paxlet via Internet. She needs to smell, hold and snuggle him, as she is a very hands on and 'irght in front of you' sort of person. It was also suggested that we (Paxlet, Mr Siili and I) travel to the US instead, my parents would pay. For several reasons, that's not happening, at least not for now. I was feeling extremely disappointed because I knew if my mom was here, she'd come visit. And when it looked as if my dad might not come visit, I was hurt. Immensely. It was just important to me that some part of my family make it here so see my boy and the idea of it not happening just left a big emotional hole in me. So, having my dad and sister! come visit me is so unbelievably cool! I would love it to be longer than a week, but I'm not going to complain!! We'll just have to make the most of the time we do have together.

In a nutshell, even though I have moved away from my family, they are still very important to me and I still need them. I'm just waiting until we have "beam me up, Scotty"-technology to make the trip 'home' a quick and painless one.

Snugli carrier

One of the baby shower items that was sent from my family was a Snugli baby carrier.  As my stepmom tells me, my mom had used one of these with either one of or both of my younger siblings. And so my mom was quite excited to find one at the second hand shop.

This particular Snugli dates back to the 1970's, when this company was still small and making each carrier by hand (on a sewing machine). The instructions weren't sold with this, and I'm sure it isn't difficult to use, but this carrier is going to be used to carry my baby and I want to know I am using it safely. Which, led me on an instruction finding chase.

First place I looked was Snugli's website (now owned by Evenflo) to see if they had instructions there and if they didn't have them online, was there a contact number or email for them that I could use. I did find a 1-800 number and I called them (via Skype, because even though I live in Finland, using Skype to call 1-800 numbers is free!). The lady who answered my call was nice, but because this Snugli model is so old, they don't have any instructions for it and she wasn't able to find them online (from their own personal site?). Also, this version of the Snugli is too different from any of the current models for the new models' instructions to be of any help, so the lady said. I thanked the lady and said goodbye.

I next started Googling to see what I could find. It only took a couple of searches for me to find two potential hits. The first hit I found was a similar looking Snugli that had been sold on Etsy. I book marked this in order to come back to it later if I couldn't find anything else. The second place I found was a chat forum post from earlier this year where a lady's husband had found her a vintage Snugli at a second hand store, still with its original package and receipt! I signed up to the forum and private messaged the lady in hopes that she'd reply to me. And what do you know, in less than an hour she had replied and said she could scan the directions for me. How cool is that?!

I am now waiting for the instructions to arrive in my inbox. I'll keep you updated!

Edited: I have received the instructions. If anyone out there needs them, let me know and I can forward the pdf to you.

Another positive out of a negative

As I mentioned yesterday, not all things about my the trip to my mom's memorial was bad or negative. In fact, my stepmom and I are on great terms again. It is totally unfortunate that it took something like my mom passing away for us to be ok again, but I am glad it came about.

My stepmom has been a part of our lives for about 22 years. (I can't remember if she came when I was 12 or 14.) In the beginning we had our ups and downs. I was at an age of independence and figuring out who I was. I was also the "adult" female at my dad's house and she came into my territory! I'm a Leo and she's a Capricon, talk about two strong personalities, even without the horiscopes signs we're just very strong personalities.

Over the years, we worked out most of our differences and learned to understand each other. When I needed spending money or she'd need help cleaning the house, I'd play "Cinderella". I learned to drive in her Ricky (a 1970's Plymouth Valiant). When I had teen-issues with my mom or dad, my stepmom was there to back me up. She even prepared my parents for the eventuality of me having sex, albeit much younger than I would have ever imagined or that happened!!

It was when DH and I got married, almost 5 years ago, that things went wrong. We exchanged some heated words, felt hurt by what the other said, did or didn't do. There really was a whole lot that went on, but I don't feel like hashing it out, espeically seeing that it is the past and I'd like to keep it that way. After our trip there that year, we just didn't really talk about it; to make things better or worse, we just didn't talk. So things festered for 4 long years. My stepmom and I started working things out a bit before we visited this last fall, but it still wasn't like it used to be.

And now that my mom has died, all has been forgiven and forgotten. My stepmom (and myself) don't want to not talk to each other. She also wants to be there for me (and my siblings, of course). As my stepmom said, my mom was her best friend and family. My mom also stuck by my stepmom when she was going through her crazy egg reacion (she's highly allergic to egg and reacts insanely when she eats anything with any amount of egg in it) and she didn't have to. That is what family does! Also, it isn't common for ex-wives and current wives to be friends, much less good friends. And throw into the mix my dad. It took many years after the divorce, but my dad and mom were good friends also. So when it came to pass that my mom died, my stepmom decided that everything in the past can stay in the past. I was and am much relieved by this and I intend to keep it that way.

To sum all this rambling up, my stepmom and I are on speaking terms and friends again. And for that, I am so so very thankful. She was so much help in getting the memorial preparations started, writing the beautiful obituary and just plain taking care of things that I never would have thought about. She is also there with my brothers and sister to help them as they need it. I am very fortunate to have the family I do (even if they drive me crazy at times). I love them all!

Electric Heart by Keith Haring